im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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