My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
