kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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