So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
