I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
