Swine flu. Run for my life!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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