i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
