I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
