thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
