I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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