does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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