I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry my hands just texted you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
