You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
