think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
