He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
