White coat. Heels.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Drunk is not a location!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
