Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
