his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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