my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We named our party play list daddy issues
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
