At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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