dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
