I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
50% drunk capacity currently
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
