doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
