I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
