What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
