was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
