I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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