Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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