it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
