College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
