jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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