just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my being single is dangerous.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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