Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
