I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
