You work out of a Hotel?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
