I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There's always time for handjobs
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
