I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
