No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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