Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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