not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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