told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
