i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
