Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
