I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
