i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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