this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
