Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
