It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Are my feet made of real feet?
You took a bar mat shot.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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