I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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