I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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