It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
