New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
