Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
