Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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