Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
